Pretty in White
by Kashim Kururugi
Summary: AU: A story about the odd Kurosaki whom is secretly in love with the beautiful Inoue Orihime, but she is in love with his brother, Ichigo. Eventually he falls into despair, deciding he is unwanted by even his family, he decides to go away. Can anybody help him? Kinda songfic-ish
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I may not own Bleach, but I have kidnapped Ichigo's hollow to play with him and bend him to my will!

A/N Some idea I got when Rping with my friend. Be warned… hollow is totally OOC. What was going through my head as I wrote this? Hell if I know. My brain turned to mush a long time ago... so I emptied it out and forgot where I put it... then I just filled my head with cake and pudding... it's a little cold sometimes, but... tch.

XxXxX

Prologue:

Today… everyone from school was going on a ski trip for a few days. Everyone was happy to have a break. The young man slouching in his seat stared out the window in silence, he hoped his brother didn't notice him or even see he was here… he had told him he wasn't going to come, but he did come, because there was somebody that he would like to spend some time with.

That very object of his affections had just got into the bus, but she tripped right next to him and he managed to catch her before she hit the ground. They ended up in some awkward position or another and he fought not to blush at the fact and… was that her relatively large endowment pressed against his arm?

"I-I… are you alright, Inoue-san?" He asked cautiously as she steadied herself.

"Fine, Kurosaki-san." She replied, smiling, before giving him a lingering look. "I thought you weren't coming on the trip with us?"

Kurosaki-_san_. He was always Kurosaki-_san_… Ichigo was Kurosaki-_kun_. He would sit there and pretend it didn't bother him. It shouldn't bother him, yet it did.

"I… really wasn't going to… but… I changed my mind at the last minute I guess." He replied quietly, glancing around slowly. "D-don't tell Ichigo if you see him… please?"

She gave him a surprised look, before sitting down besides him, as the bus started moving. "Why don't you want him to know?"

"It's nothing…" He crossed his arms over his chest and looked straight ahead.

"Did you fight again?" Orihime asked and he scowled, which gave her the answer without him having to speak.

"Y-yeah."

"What about? Or do you not want to talk about it?"

"I'd rather not talk about it… sorry."

"It's alright; we all have things that we don't want others to know about. I'm not upset."

He glanced at her. "Thanks." His words held honesty and gratefulness. He was glad she wasn't upset that he didn't want to tell her the reason. The real reason was that Ichigo didn't want him around Orihime, because Ichigo thought he had bad intentions towards her, but he didn't. He would never hurt her, wouldn't even dream or think about it. Never.

Although he couldn't exactly blame Ichigo for having the attitude he did towards him, he was after all just a juvenile delinquent that just got out of rehab for the third time after getting in trouble with the police during one of his drunken rampages. In a way, he believed Ichigo hated him.

Again, he could not blame him. He did get all the attention when they were young, because of his condition. It hadn't been his fault… he never wanted the attention. Even now as they were older… he still got the attention, but it wasn't good attention, he got in so much trouble his parents had to deal with it and get involved.

The way he was born, he glanced out the window at the fresh sheet of snow on the ground, also catching the reflection of his face and eyes. It was a wonder Orihime had even sat with him, with the way that he looked.

"What uhh… what's he doing?" He asked her quietly, holding something to his chest. Orihime looked into the back, before he caught only the slightest frown, covered up by a smile right away.

"Oh, he's just sitting with Rukia. He doesn't even know you're here." She told him and he lowered his eyes, why? Why did she like him? Why did she like his brother when Ichigo didn't even pay attention to her? "What are you reading?" She asked, gesturing towards what he held to his chest.

"Huh? Oh, it's just… a manga. I was bored so…"

"What's it about?"

"Well… it's… about this guy, who gets these powers, right? He gets them from this girl… see she got hurt trying to protect him from this monster… and then she gave him her powers, so that he could defeat it. And then… she gets in trouble for it and her brother comes and takes her away to be executed… so the good guy gets his friends together and they go to rescue her." He paused. "Well… it gets more complicated then that… but… my favorite character is actually the guy that lives inside the good guys head… nobody likes him either."

"I like you." Orihime told him reaching over to take his arm gently, but his sleeve was pulled back slightly and she could clearly see. His eyes widened when he knew that she knew, so he quickly pulled away from her and pushed the sleeve up. "Kurosaki-san…"

"Don't… don't touch me." He said, looking away as soon as he saw the hurt look in her eyes. He didn't mean to hurt her feelings, he didn't. He really didn't, she was the last person in the world he ever wanted to hurt… and he just did it. Ichigo was right… he couldn't be trusted around her.

She was about to speak, before Tatsuki ordered her not to sit next to the 'troublemaker' and dragged her off to sit with her in the back. It was better like this anyway. He deserved to be alone after that. He dropped his head against the cool glass window and stared out at the snow-covered ground.

XxXxX

TBC...

And I'll tell you a little secrete. Despite not having a name, on a television with closed captioning, he is called "_Kamen_" so… that is what I'm going to call him in this. Also... I was kind of depressed when I wrote this... so it's sorta dark.

Thanks for reading, leave a review and God Bless.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or Matchbox 20s song Push.

A/N I finally got this up and I will be working on the next chapter of my other Bleach story. Alas... I strayed onto this plot bunny, but have no fear! And I had to deal with this all day so cute me a lil slack.  
*Friend 1: throws desiccated spider corpse at friend 2.  
*Friend 2: screams like a girl.

XD Yes, that is how my day went. Now... onto the story. Remeber when I wrote these two first chapters I was in a dark place. Brace yourself for a very dark scene. I'm outta the dark stage, so it will get better after this.

XxXxX

They had arrived at the place, he was unimpressed as usual, but at least he was away from home. Away from his family, it was for the best really. He would graduate soon… and then he would be out of that hell hole. Well… he certainly couldn't wait until that day. He'd go far, far away from here.

He finished unpacking and settled for a quick shower, it would relax him and maybe get a little tension out of his muscles. He started to strip and stopped when he removed his shirt, catching his own imagine in the mirror. He couldn't stop the frown from coming to his features, the frown was usually etched into his face.

He slowly reached up to his chest and touched one of the scars there, before shaking it off and tossing the shirt across the room, his fists clenched as he stared at his own reflection in the mirror, he looked like a monster, he really did. No wonder everyone was so afraid of him.

Finally with a shout of anger he put his fist through the mirror, breaking it and splitting his image to fragments. Pressing his lips together in a thin line, he let his bloodied hand drop back down to his said and stared at the blood stain in the center of the broken glass.

The feeling of blood dripping down his hand… somehow made him feel better. Satisfied his temper for the time being. He very slowly made his way over to his bag and sat down just as slowly, searching through it, before he found what he was looking for.

The blade in his hand wasn't as heavy as it had been in the beginning, it was easy to hold, because he was accustom to it's weight. The blade glinted in the light from the lamp besides the bed and he caught his reflection in it.

After seeing his own reflection, he didn't hesitate with cutting a long line down his arm in frustration, focus on the pain and his stress would go away. Focus on the pain and he would feel better, he pressed the blade deeper, wanting the pain to intensify. Anything to let him know he could bleed, that he was still alive, that his heart was still beating.

He very slowly set a hand over his heart, but… he could never really feel his heart beat. He glanced over at the knife, thinking that maybe… he could just make a small cut and have a look… to see if it was really there. Was it there? Did he have a heart? If he cut a hole there… would he find a heart? Or an empty space? Very slowly, he raised the tip of the blade to his chest and pressed until a small line of blood trailed down.

Instead of going through with it, however… he tossed the blade back into his bag and headed to the next room to get cleaned up. Damnit all to hell, he would just have to suffer not knowing.

XxXxX

The next morning everyone was out, but he'd decided to stay at the lodge for awhile. He didn't want to go out there with everyone. He told the teacher he wasn't feeling well, which the man only called him a lair and told him not to cause trouble, before leaving with everyone.

He stepped outside and lit up a cigarette, he needed to relax, really, he coughed out a bit of smoke. These damn cancer sticks would kill him before anything else did. That was for sure. He exhaled a puff of smoke and watched it drift into the air. He froze when he heard the voice behind him.

"Kurosaki-san…" The gentle voice said, meekly in tone. His eyes grew wide and he turned around slowly to find her there, like something from a dream, white flakes of snow as a contrast to her hair, even breath fogging in the cold air, a gentle breeze blowing across, stirring up her hair and a drift of snow.

"Inoue…" He said in surprise, cigarette falling from his lips and into the snow as he exhaled a puff of cold, fogging breath, mixed with smoke. "I… what are you doing here?"

"I wanted to talk… about yesterday…" She replied softly, and her tone, God… if someone could be in love with someone's voice… he was head over heels. He loved the sound of her gentle voice.

"I know… you saw it… but don't worry about me. It doesn't matter…" He tried to brush it off, stuffing his hands in his pockets, so she couldn't try and look.

She looked to make sure nobody was around, before taking a step closer. "I saw the bandages… and the scars… you… hurt yourself?" She asked, a sadness in her eyes, but he hardened his heart and remained deadpan.

"Like I said, doesn't matter." He started to walk away.

"Wait!" She said suddenly and he sighed deeply, stopping in his tracks. "If you need someone to talk to… I'll be here. Just come to me… even if it's the middle of the night or early in the morning… I'll always be here to talk."

He slowly turned to look at her, seeing her smile… his eyes softened. "Alright… if I can think of anything I need to say…"

"We used to be close when we were young… don't you remember? What changed?" Orihime asked and he shrugged.

"Yeah, well people change." He stated firmly.

A breeze blew softly between them, stirring up snow. Neither one moved for a few moments, before he finally sighed and looked down at the ground.

"I-I know that…" Orihime said softly. "But if people change… then can't they change more then once?"

"Yeah, I guess they could." He answered.

"Well look who the fuck it is!" They both looked over to find Grimmjow, Ulquiorra and Nnoitora. "Haha, psychotic little bastard, when did you get out?"

"Yesterday… now leave me alone. I don't feel like going back so soon." He replied and noticed Orihime give him a surprised look. She didn't know he'd just gotten out obviously, in fact… he hadn't even been home, he could still see the white walls in his mind. He didn't want to go back there, Orihime was right… people could change more then once… and he wanted another chance.

Grimmjow removed his jacket and cracked his knuckles. "No, way in hell. I want a piece of you. Heard you were a beast in a fight."

"Screw you, Grimmjow." Kamen said and Grimmjow growled and charged at him. His eyes widened and he knew he didn't have a choice, he waited for him to get close enough and as Grimmjow slammed into him in a football like tackle attempt, he brought his arms down around his throat and jerked up, cutting his air off.

"Kurosaki-san, please stop!" Orihime begged. And he looked up in shock at her words, it gave Grimmjow the opportunity to punch him hard in the stomach and make him loosen his grip. Nnoitora seeing that his friend needed help was just about to jump into the fight, before a hand grabbed the back of his shirt and threw him onto his ass on the boardwalk.

Everyone froze at the voice. "What is going on here?"

"B-Byakuya!" They all scrambled up and stood there, looking at the three intruders. Kamen swallowed hard when he saw his brother there with Rukia and Byakuya. Ichigo's gaze was burning a hole in him, his brother certainly wasn't happy he was here.

"I would suggest that all of you leave." Byakuya said flatly and the two scrambled off, Ulquiorra seemed to not care at all and just walked after them slowly.

"Guys… you head back… I've got to deal with this." Ichigo said firmly and Byakuya urged Rukia to follow him as they headed inside. "What the hell are you doing here?! Why are you starting fights!? And how the hell did you get out of Hueco Mundo asylum?!"

"They let me out and I didn't start the fight! Grimmjow did!" He defended against Ichigo's yells.

"You're insane and I'm calling the cops to come get you." Ichigo told him, reaching into his jacket for his phone.

"I'm okay now! I'm alright now! They let me out!"

"Kurosaki-kun, wait." Orihime cut in, stepping in between them. "I talked with him for awhile… and he I okay… we were having a nice conversation, before Grimmjow tried to fight with him."

Ichigo stopped with his hand on his cell, staring at her then looking up at his brother and scowling. He sighed deeply and replaced his phone. "Alright… if you say so… but stay away from him from now on Inoue. He's not in his right mind."

"I told you I'm fine!" He tried to defend.

"Bullshit! After all the shit you did to the family you expect me to believe that!? Our mother is sick because of you! It's your fault, Kamen!" Ichigo seethed, he hadn't seen his brother in a very long time and now he was here he was going to speak his mind. "It's all you, it's always been you! If you weren't around then the family would be doing just fine! We have been fine without you and we sure as hell don't need you!"

There was a deafening silence after the yelling and he inhaled sharply, biting his lip to stop the sob that was lodged in his throat now. Ichigo was right. It was his fault. He nodded to himself, vision blurring slightly. He turned around and headed inside.

Orihime quickly turned to Ichigo. "Kurosaki-kun… how could you?"

"I hate him, Inoue! It's his fault that mom is sick! If he hadn't been born… she'd be just fine."

"But… that's just cruel. I can't imagine the pain that he feels…" She said sadly and Ichigo furrowed his brow.

"He doesn't feel anything or care."

"That isn't true." She shook her head. "Kurosaki-kun… your brother is hurting… I know… because I saw proof of it… even if he hides it. I know that you're angry that he does bad things, but… Kurosaki-kun you have to forgive him!"

"Inoue…" Ichigo sighed, feeling the slightest tinge of guilt, if Inoue said his brother was hurting… she had talked to him… did he really feel pain?

"Please…"

XxXxX

When Kamen entered his empty room he locked the door behind him, turned off all the lights and turned the water on in the shower. In the empty room all alone and by himself, he started to laugh darkly, as if something were absolutely hilarious. He couldn't stop laughing as he picked up the blade.  
**_  
He said "I don't know if I've ever been good enough.  
I'm a little bit rusty, and I think my head is caving in._**

He laughed until tears were running down his face and sobs mixed with his insane laughing at nothing, if anyone had seen him like this… they'd probably have died of horror and fear. What hade he done to his family? It was his fault… Ichigo was right._  
**  
And I don't know if I've ever been really loved  
By a hand that's touched me, and I feel like something's gonna give.  
And I'm a little bit angry."**  
_  
Fifteen minutes. Fifteen minutes was the amount of time it took for him to be born after Ichigo. Fifteen minutes was enough to make his mother go into cardiac arrest and ruin her life. He sat down on the bed and pressed the blade into his stomach, craving a long deep line.  
_  
**He said "I don't know why you ever would lie to me,  
Like I'm a little untrusting when I think that the truth is gonna hurt ya.**_

He ran around with all the wrong people. Stated so much trouble, worried his mother sick when she already had heart problems, _because of him_. He needed this pain, he deserved this pain. He gritted his teeth as he dug deeper then he'd ever dug the blade before.

**_And I don't know why you couldn't just stay with me,  
You couldn't stand to be near me when my face don't seem to want to shine  
'cause it's a little bit dirty."_**

It was his fault, it was. He could have been a better son, he could have been so much better… he could have done good, but it was too late now. He couldn't go back now, it was too late. He watched the red blood leaking steadily down his pale skin.

**_Oh, but don't bowl me over  
Just wait a minute, well I kinda fell apart  
Things get so crazy, crazy_**

The blade pressed a little deeper, a little deeper still. They said he would die when he was born, that he wouldn't make it through the night. His mother hung a cross over the incubator the doctors put him in that night even though she was so weak, even though the doctors begged her not to… she got down on her knees and prayed for him to live.

He lived, but… at what costs? He only made their life hell, their life could have been so much better if he had just died. His vision was going blurry and he collapsed back against the bed, vision slowly going black on him.

…

In the darkness… Ichigo's words echoed around his head. He slowly opened his eyes, feeling extremely woozy, the room was spinning and the blade was still in his hand, his lips twitched up into a sadistic smile as he felt sharp pain in his chest.

Heartless… he would see if he were really heartless… he would dig the pain out of his chest. Pressed the blade deep into his chest, crying out in pain as he twisted it and then tossed it across the room when there was a large gash in his chest.

He brought up a hand and pressed his fingers into the wound, reaching in deep, eyes watering with pain and sadness as his fingers touched something hard, he screamed in agony as he reached in and gripped the hard muscle, before ripping it out of his chest. He stared at the thing in his hand before falling forward onto the floor with a thud. The last thing his eyes saw was the image of his dead heart lying in his clenched fist.

Ichigo's words echoed still.

XxXxX

The sound of water still running could be heard still, and then a scream of horror and he shot up out of bed, covered in sweat and dried blood. He frantically looked around the blood covered room and found nothing on the floor, he brought a hand to his chest, unable to see due to all the blood.

He quickly ran into the bathroom and got under the now cold spray, desperate to get the blood off and see, shouldn't he be dead? Hadn't he…

The blood had washed off and he looked down at his chest, too many bloody gashed were covering it, but… as he set a hand over his heart he didn't feel a cut that went particularly deep. He leaned against the wall heavily. It was still there… or at least he assumed. Why had that dream scared him so much. He figured himself dead after he passed out from losing so much blood… but the last part… why had he dreamed that?

It was bothering him. Why was a simple dream bothering him so much? He wanted to die for God's sake, so why did it bug him so damn much? He took a breath, before quickly getting dressed, he was in so much of a hurry he didn't even put shoes on, he just ran down the hallway and knocked on a door.

"Come on, come on…" He said to himself, waiting, before thinking about how late it must be and was about to turn and go away to deal with this alone, but the door opened.

"Kurosaki-san?" Orihime asked in a tired voice, before the tiredness faded and she took in his appearance and from the look on her face it startled her. She grabbed his arm gently and led him inside, closing the door behind them.

"I'm sorry." He said, digging the heel of his palm into an eye.

"Please, sit down." She begged and he was confused, before he noticed her looking at his chest and he looked down to see his black hoodie was soaked. Oh, no wonder he was so tired, he attempted to sit, but blundered and fell onto his ass. At least he was on the bed… "Kurosaki-san, please drink some water right away."

"Huh?" Come to think of it… he was pretty thirsty, before he had time to registered it, she had set down a glass of water for him and was currently pulling the front of his hoodie up before he could stop her. "No, don't…" Too late.

He didn't say anything as she prodded one of the cuts. Her hands were warm when his skin felt so cold for some reason.

"Why did you do this? This one is so deep… it needs stitches…" She informed and reached over to an aid-kit she must have gotten from the bathroom (there was one in his too, but he didn't think he needed it, he was going to kill himself after all) and opened the small box quickly. "You have to take it off, okay?"

"Okay…" If he were honest he wasn't sure he had the energy to do so, but he manages, very slowly to pull it over his head and set it on the floor, noticing how wet with blood it was, it was his favorite one too…

"This is going to hurt…"

"S'okay."

Meanwhile as she stitched him up, she tried not to be angry that he would do this to himself, since he did end up coming to her for help in the end. She finished with the stitches and grabbed the gauze, it would take a lot to wrap up his entire stomach and chest. He looked like he'd gone through a blender and with how much blood he had probably lost, she was surprised he was still walking. He was practically mutilated.

"You know… that they can take you back to that terrible place for doing this to yourself?" She asked and he nodded drowsily. "Then why?"

"Makes me feel better…" He muttered, of course he was ashamed of it, but it was true. She gently reached up and touched his cheek. He was cold.

"Kurosaki-san… please… stop doing this."

He was silent for a moment, eyes closed as he leaned into the warm touch. "I want to go home…"

"I'll take you home in the morning, okay?" She asked and he nodded slightly. Without another rational thought when he saw her that close… he pressed his lips to hers, ignoring her shocked gasp. Even so, she didn't make a move to push him away or stop him, but she didn't kiss him back either. "Y-you… need to go to bed… I'll take you home tomorrow."

"Would…" he paused and licked his dry lips nervously, looking down at the floor. "would… you please… hold me… just for a minute?"

Orihime gave him a sympathetic look, but he didn't notice it. "Okay." She whispered gently to him. He inched back on the bed and she moved to lie besides him. He curled up into a ball as she held him close and stroked her finger through his hair.

"You're the only one I can trust, Hime-chan." He said, voice hoarse. "You're the only one that doesn't look at me like I'm something terrible…"

"Because you're not something terrible. You just made a few mistakes, but you've changed right?" She asked and he nodded. "I'll take you home as soon as you feel up to it in the morning."

"But, wait… won't I… ruin your trip… if you have to take me home?"

"Don't think about that." She laughed a little, tangling her fingers in his hair and ruffling it slightly. "I wasn't having all that much fun anyway…"

"Why not?" He asked, furrowing his brow, before it hit him. "Oh… because of Ichigo with Rukia…"

"Oh, it's alright Kurosaki-san! It's really not a big deal." She tried to brush it off immediately, but he reached up to take her hand from his hair and held it in his gently. She was warm and his hands were so cold, but it didn't seem to bother her, because she smiled at him. "Go to sleep…"

With her gentle words echoing in his mind and chasing away anything anyone else said about him… he fell into a peaceful darkness with her right besides him. For the first time in his life… he felt the slightest stirring in his heart. Maybe… she could help him be okay.

XxXxX

TBC...

Okay, things won't be quite as dark from now on. They'll still be somewhat dark, but he's going to see that life isn't so bad thanks to Hime. So... stayed tuned for the next chapter, thanks for reading, leave a review and God bless.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own this show. Only the order of words that I put together. I also do not own Rain by Breaking Benjamin or Don't Let Go by Bryan Adams.

A/N And... here we are. The next chapter. You're gonna like this chapter. Please, do enjoy it and let me know what you think. I love detailed reviews of things, so don't worry if it's long. ^^

XxXxX

A soft light behind his eyes had him drifting in between sleep and wakefulness, he brought an arm up over his eyes to block the light out. The car engine turned off and he furrowed his brow, before remembering he had fallen asleep on the ride home.

Luckily a teacher allowed Orihime to borrow their car when she said there was an emergency reason she had to go home. He removed his arm from his eyes and looked up at the house, inhaling softly. It had been so long since he had seen his home. Since they abandoned him at Hueco Mundo asylum.

"Kurosaki-san? Are you alright?"

He brought a hand up the rub the back of his head nervously. "Yea… I'm fine." He unbuckled his seat belt and opened the door, looking over the top of the car at his home.

Swallowing hard he grabbed his bag from the car and when he closed the door it sounded too loud to his own ears, made him jump slightly even. He slung his bag over his shoulder and slowly walked up the driveway.

He walked up to the door and opened it, stepping into the kitchen. The warm fall colors of the room brought back memories of his mother singing and baking cookies for them all. His mother had always reminded him of a princess from a fairytale. The house smelled of apple and cinnamon from the candles his mother always burned.

He closed his eyes for a moment at the flood a memories. Ichigo hadn't been cold to him when they were young. When they were young, they did everything together and always got along, even if he was slower because he was always sick.

The door closed softly behind him and he felt Orihime's presence, so he pulled himself from his past and dropped his bag on the table, as he did a soft clicking was heard on the tile and he looked over at the black shaggy haired dog.

"Hey, Zangetsu." Kamen said and patted the dog's head gently. He stood there rather awkwardly, he didn't exactly want to go farther into the house. Not yet. He had to gather his courage. He breathed in and out very slowly, before he felt Orihime gently take his hand.

"I'm sure everything will be alright." She assured him and he nodded.

"Uhm. Look… about last night… when I kissed you… I'm really sorry about that…" He said slowly. "I know that you don't like me…"

"Kurosaki-san… do you like me…?" Orihime asked, setting her hands carefully against his chest to feel his heart beating.

"Well… to tell you the truth… I-"

"Kamen?" A voice asked and he turned to find his mother with a hand held over her mouth. Isshin stepped into behind her quickly when he heard her words.

"I'm home." He said slowly, watched them for any sort of reaction. Disappointment or…

"I'm so happy to see you home, my baby." Masaki said, embracing him in a warm hug and kissing his cheek. Isshin stood back, rubbing his chin.

"And he brought a girl home… my son… what adventures have you been on?" His father asked and he rolled his eyes.

"You know Inoue. She just drove me home. That's all." Kamen replied, he really didn't want to hear his father making jokes about it all night. It would embarrass the both of them.

"When did you get released?" His mother asked, quickly pulling out a chair and urging him to sit, while she took her own seat. He only stared at the chair for a moment, he didn't feel comfortable sitting.

"Just a few days ago." He set a hand on the back of the chair and looked down at it. Why didn't he feel comfortable in his own home? Why couldn't he just sit down and talk with his mother like old times?

"Oh? How have you been are you well, Kamen?"

"I'm well." He replied simply, shrugging his shoulders.

"I'm glad. The doctors told me they would make you feel better."

"Yeah. They gave me some medications." He would refrain from telling her how they locked him up in a straightjacket whenever had one of his fits. His eye twitched slightly just at the thought. There was a short silence as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other.

"Ahem…" Isshin cleared his throat to break the silence. "I think we should celebrate."

"What's to celebrate?" He asked abruptly, but quietly. "If it's alright… I'd rather just stay in…"

Isshin and Masaki glanced at one another for a quick moment at those words.

"Alright," Masaki began. "I'll make a special dinner tonight then. Inoue-san, please stay. We would love for you to have dinner with us."

"Oh, I suppose I could." Orihime said, glancing over at the young Kurosaki brother, he offered a small smile to say it was fine by him.

"Your sisters will be home soon." His mother told him with a gentle smile. "We'll wait until they get back to eat. I'm sure they'll be very excited to see their big brother home."

"Yeah." He commented dryly, tracing some sort of invisible pattern on the table. It made Orihime want to reach out and reassuringly set a hand over his shoulder, but now wasn't the time and he didn't seem like he wanted to be touched right now anyway.

"They are still at school… it's a bit early. Why don't you go up to your room for awhile? I'd like to talk alone with your mother about something." Isshin said and Kamen tapped his fingers on the table.

"I can go back… if I'll be too much trouble here."

"No! That's not it at all… it's just…" Isshin sighed at his son. "Just… for a little while, please?"

He slowly got up from the table and went upstairs, Orihime trailed behind him. She was a bit worried about him. He wasn't acting quite right since he got home.

He opened the door to a mostly cleaned room, except the fact that there was dust on everything and the door creaked as if it hadn't been opened in years, why wouldn't it? It wasn't like he had been home for years anyway. Nobody would have any business in it.

He stepped over and opened his drawers, still some old clothes left over that he hadn't taken, he sifted through them, picking up a jacket when there was a soft click and he closed his eyes, now what would she think of him? It didn't matter… she probably already knew.

Orihime pressed her lips together in a thin line at the used syringe that fell out of his jacket. She heard him sigh, before he bent down to pick it up and stuff it back in the pocket.

"I don't… do it anymore." He promised, before picking up an of bottle of whiskey. "But I am going to have a drink. Just… don't say anything…"

"I won't stop you… but, why? Why do this to yourself."

"It's just one drink…" He tried to defend himself, wincing at how harsh his voice sounded.

"You're an addict. That isn't the best thing for you to do." She said and he felt the sting of her words, that was true. He dropped the bottle back into the drawer and closed it, holding his hands up.

"Okay… you win… I won't." He sat down on his bed and gripped a fistful of snow white hair, biting his lower lip until he could taste blood. He felt the bed shift as she sat besides him and gently, very gently touched his shoulder. "I don't think they want me here."

"Of course they do… they're your parents and they love you."

"It doesn't feel like it… why did they leave me all alone in those places? Why didn't they ever come and visit me if they loved me." His voice was shaking and his grip was tightening.

"I love you Kurosaki-san…" She whispered, but she was cut short as he turned on her and pressed her down against the mattress.

"Love me?" He shook his head, scoffing and trying to sound firm, but she felt a tear fall down her cheek that wasn't her own. She wished she could see his eyes, but they were covered by his hair. "Look at me. I'm a monster… I'm a horrible person… I should have died."

"Kurosaki…" She brought a hand up to touch his face gently. "The only thing I see… is a very lonely person… that just needs to know people love him. You're not horrible… and you're not a monster… you've just made some bad choices."

"I'm such a mess." He wiped at his eyes with his sleeve. "I'm sorry… I don't mean to blubber like a baby in front of you…"

"You're hurt… and you're letting it out. There's nothing wrong with crying, Kurosaki-san… besides… you're still a big strong man in my eyes. Crying a little won't change that." She assured him and he glanced down at her, he had been averting his eyes, but now she could see them clearly.

Her words had shaken him to his very core and he felt a fresh wave of tears blurring his vision just from what she said to him, before he laid his head down against the blanket and tried to smother his sobs. It was then that Orihime moved out from under him and laid her head on his back, wrapping her arms around him.

They stayed like that for what an hour or so, before he didn't have anymore tears left to cry and could only lie there silently with the warmth of Orihime holding him.

"I think you should rest for a little while." She told him softly and he nodded, too tired and emotionally worn out to fight.

XxXxX

A small room, white walls, white floors, white ceiling, white lights. On the floor, hugging a raggedy old teddy bear a boy dressed in all white was curled up in the corner. Holding onto the bear for dear life and rocking back and forth.

"Don't worry, Mrs. Kurosaki… we will take good care of your boy. The electroshock therapy has done wonders for him. He is quite subdued as you can see." A doctor said, adjusting his glasses.

Masaki held her husbands hand tightly as she watched there young son all alone. "Thank you for your reassurance Dr. Aizen."

The boy looked up with his wild golden eyes as Isshin and Masaki headed to the door, he quickly scrambled to his feet and ran to the window.

"Mama!" He cried. "Mama! Mama come back! Mama!" Tears were streaming down his face now as he watched them leave and Dr. Aizen held him back. "Mama don't leave me! Mama! Mama please! Please don't leave me here! Mama!"

…

**_Take a photograph,  
It'll be the last,  
Not a dollar or a crowd could ever keep me here, _**

The days passed, the weeks passed, the months passed, the sessions changed and the boy became more despondent. His parents hadn't come to see him once, he was all alone in this terrible place. All they did was experiment on him and use him for their own scientific and medical gains.

**_I don't have a past  
I just have a chance,  
Not a family or honest plea remains to say, _**

He was lost to everyone, nobody cared. His family had forsaken him to this place where they didn't really care about him or his health. They only cared about money and power and the things they could gain from these experiments. He wasn't the only one.

**_Rain rain go away,  
Come again another day,  
All the world is waiting for the sun. _**

He laid his head against the window sill, watching the rain pounding against the glass with soft clicks. The thunder rumbles softly and the autumn leaves fell wetly to the ground in the rain.

**_Is it you I want,  
Or just the notion  
Of a heart to wrap around so I can find my way around _**

He couldn't stop thinking… couldn't stop wondering… why did his mother leave him here? Why did she forsake him in this horrible place. Why, why, why? He accidentally knocked a glass off the table next to him and quickly moved to pick up the broken pieces.. One slipped and sliced the skin, causing sanguine liquid to drip down his forearm and along his fingers.

**_Safe to say from here,  
Your getting closer now,  
We are never sad cause we are not allowed to be_**

He came to the conclusion… that it felt pretty good. The pain felt good. He really liked the pain, it channeled all his hurt to one place and he didn't have to think about it in his head anymore, because he could feel it in his palm now.

"Now, now, now… that just won't do." Dr. Aizen said when he walked into the room. He made the orderlies take him into the room he despised… they hooked him up to machines and strapped him to a chair, where Dr. Aizen offered a grin before flipping the switch that sent painful electricity through his body and made him grit his teeth in absolute agony.

XxXxX

"No!" He shouted, jerking awake and looking around the darkened bedroom, it was pouring and thunder storming. His pulse was pounding in his throat and he gripped the bed sheets, before feeling a gentle touch on his skin.

"It's okay… you just had a nightmare." Orihime whispered quietly.

"Why…?" He didn't finished his sentence, he could see her outline sitting on the edge of his bed, just barely make out her face if he stared hard enough.

"You fell asleep and you had a fever… your parents said we would wait until tomorrow to celebrate with everyone. They insisted I stay the night." She set her hand on his forehead, brushing back sweat drenched hair. "You're sick… you really need rest. So you should go back to sleep."

"But I…"

"Shush. You have to rest… I… I'm a little worried you might have an infection because of your wounds…" She whispered softly. "I didn't give him the details, but since your father knows you're sick and needed antibiotic… he prescribed you some… so you don't have to worry."

"I don't need the meds…" He tried, but she hushed him again.

"If it's a blood infection you do." Orihime scolded gently and he went silent. He really couldn't argue with her. She was right.

"How did you convince him without exposing me…" He asked quietly and he squinted in the dark to catch her sheepish smile and blush.

"Well… I told him you got hurt at the trip when you were playing around… and he thought… that you got hurt during a… tryst… with me… oh, but Kurosaki-san! I tried to tell him it wasn't like that!" She waved her hands a bit. "I'm so sorry, I'm sorry."

"Ohh." He groaned and dropped back onto the bed, staring at the glow stars that his mother had left on his ceiling. "It's alright… they probably would have thought it… even if you hadn't said anything. In fact they already did I know, but… it… doesn't matter as long as it doesn't bother you to have them hounding you about a wedding date."

She giggled a bit at his words just thinking about how silly that would be. It was odd she had really liked Ichigo, but since he was with Rukia… well… she had gotten used to it as crazy as it seemed. She guessed in some sort of way they were the same. They were both refused and unheeded by Ichigo, she just hadn't really noticed it until now.

"What was your dream about?" She asked, stoking her fingers through his hair to calm him and he closed his eyes for a moment at her touch.

"Being back in that place." He muttered, not wanting to think about it.

"I always thought that you were just doing your thing and skipping school… I didn't know you were in that place… how long?" She asked him and he sighed quietly.

"When I was five they put me in there… I got out… five years later, but… I kept getting into trouble and when I turned fifteen they put me back. So if I add it up… I've been in there for eight years." He stated, thinking about it. "I didn't help though… I helped myself, because I wanted out of all that. I changed."

A particularly loud boom of thunder and crack of lightning made her jump and he was right there, pulling her into his arms. He didn't know why he did it, he just saw she was afraid and did it. Maybe because he wanted someone to hold him when he was scared and he didn't want her to go through the same. Or maybe it was just as simple as that he wanted to just touch her. It could be both.

**_I can't believe this moment's come  
It's so incredible that we're alone  
There's so much to be said and done  
It's impossible not to be overcome _**

"Kurosaki-san…" She said quickly, pushing her hands against his chest and making him wince a bit, it still hurt relatively badly.

"Stay with me." He said suddenly and she looked up to his face, confused. Although she didn't say a word about it, he knew she was a bit shocked by his actions. She, however didn't seem to be upset in the slightest.

**_So take this feeling'n make it grow  
Never let it - never let it go  
(Don't let go of the things you believe in)  
You give me something that I can believe in _**

She nodded slowly in answer and he pulled her back with him, pulling the blanket over both of their heads to hide them in complete darkness. He brought his hand up and stroked his fingers along her cheek gently.

They were so close they could feel one another's breath against each other's skin. It was an odd thing, but at the same time something that could clearly be addicting. She trailed her fingers along his chest, stopping at his heart. There were a few moments of silence, before he shifted and pulled the shirt off and tossed it somewhere.

**_(Don't let go of this moment in time)  
Go of this moment in time  
(Don't let go of things that you're feeling)  
I can't explain the things that I'm feeling _**

She traced the scars permanently etched into his skin. It made tears prick at her eyes to think he was in so much pain he would do something so terrible. How could nobody help him? How could he have been alone so long? She touched the scar over his heart, fingers lingering on the warm skin, before she moved her hand to press a kiss to the injury.

**_Now would you mind if I bared my soul  
If I came right out and said you're beautiful  
Cuz there's something here I can't explain  
I feel I'm diving into driving rain _**

He inhaled sharply, shuddering at the feel of her lips against his skin. He couldn't even have dreamed that Orihime would ever look at him, let alone touch him. He wondered if this was just a wonderfully induced fever dream, but when he felt her lips against his… it was too good to be just a mere dream. He kissed her back, tangling his fingers in her hair as she trailed her fingers along his jaw softly.

**_You get my senses running wild  
I can't resist your sweet, sweet smile  
So take this feeling'n make it grow  
Never let it - never let it go _**

She pulled back just slightly, before burying her flushed face beneath his chin and hiding. His eyelids lowered a bit and he draped his arm over her, breathing slowly. She was curled into him and he just couldn't ask for anything more. It was the one thing he had wanted more then anything… could this be real? Could he really have this?

The thunder rumbled gently as if in reprimand for his foolish thought of this being a dream, before he swallowed hard and allowed himself to fall into comfort and sleep. Orihime slowly stoked her fingers gently along his side, feeling his muscles beneath his smooth skin relax as he fell asleep and under his warm protective embrace she herself fell into a peaceful sleep.

XxXxX

TBC...

Thanks for reading, leave a review and God Bless you.


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